I am in a reflective mood. I’m making sense of setbacks, praising God for my present messy life, and pondering His plans for my future.
Four years ago today, I stepped away from my full time pharmacist gig for what I thought was a temporary medical leave of absence.
When I climbed over the guardrail of security (my plan) and stepped off the cliff (into God’s plan) I free fall into grace.
When I stepped away from work for medical testing, my plan was to name the painful debilitating symptoms, seek treatment and return to work. However, days merged into months with no answer while my condition worsened. Without a diagnosis and title, my medical team was reluctant to treat my symptoms. Little did I know it would take over a year of testing to determine the nature of bizarre symptoms.
Making Sense of Setbacks
l am thankful God placed a chronically ill woman in the Gospels. Like the woman with the issue of blood in the book of Mark, I can relate to desperately seeking medical help without relief. By faith, the unnamed woman battling an isolating illness stretched out her hand and touched Jesus’ robe. She knew with one touch she could be healed. At this account, Jesus called her, “Daughter.” This is the only biblical account of Christ calling a woman, “Daughter.” Her faith healed her illness. His title relabeled her identity.
I’d like to say I’ve overcome all my hang-ups, but I haven’t. I still struggle with my identity as a forced stay-at-home-mom, rare illness warrior, writer, “retired” pharmacist and daughter. I wish I could tell you I no longer struggle with my current situation or my illness. But I can’t. Most days I feel like a stalled racehorse eager to run a race, only to discover my batteries are too low to get out of the gate.
Jesus, Coffee, & Afternoon Naps
This illness forces me to rest daily. I get by every day with Jesus, coffee, and afternoon naps.
God continues to teach me how to be productive for His Kingdom, His Plans, and His Purpose, which no longer includes me serving as the local pharmacist. With the insight of hindsight, I see these perceived setbacks were actually a set-up for God to work in me and through me.
Now pardon me, but I need to take a nap.
©2020 April Dawn White
Image via Maria Shanina Unsplash